We’ve been Go Karting at Teamworks Mansfield. I am the crappiest driver I know, what the hell do I know about cars, I drive a Kia, I’m the very definition of “not a star in a reasonably priced car.” I’m that shit that I get a speeding ticket on the way and have to give £100 to the Police and they give me 3 points in return. Top gear? More like no idea.

Wearing a crash helmet, fire retardant suit, gloves and a balaclava that makes me ideally dressed to storm an embassy by explosive entry, I step into my go kart. Hopefully 6.5 HP kart can shift my 16 stones of pure awesomeness around this 450 metre track up to 40 mph if I’m lucky. Thankfully the karts are automatic which is great because I gave up crunching gears years ago and won’t go back though I don’t see how these karts would fare on Nottingham’s very own fury road, or the ring road as we call it. Also, just like every Audi and BMW on the road, it doesn’t have indicators either.

It’s time to strap in and show up at the start line, the fastest lap time at Teamworks Mansfield is 22.208 seconds. I haven’t got a hope in hell’s chance. The racing line remains a mystery to me, just as a diet remains a mystery to me, which coincidentally might help my lap time if I stuck to a diet and/or a racing line.

The Go Karting place is called Teamworks, but it’s anything but. A family event with wife Sam, sister Sam (although this is Mansfield I would just like to point out that I haven’t married my sister) and nephew Dezz, there is an underlying competitive spirit. I look forward to beating them all so much that they’ll feel like learner drivers again.

Two stints of 15 minutes driving turns out to be an awful lot of sweaty exercise. Who knew that twisting a steering wheel could be so exhausting. Our hands and wrists are killing us. Power steering is a privilege not for go karts.

We’ve managed to record some shaky video footage with my beaten up Go Pro strapped to our chest. My wife is quite vocal with her competitiveness. I didn’t speak as my concentration was on the driving…… not that it helped in winning.

Author

Nick Cook. Amateur astronomer, space, history, nerd, extreme dog walker, cat slave, severe tinnitus sufferer. 13.7 billion years in the making - not that much better for it.

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